sin-ser-i-tee

Sincerity [sin-ser-i-tee]... freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

I add this definition because I think very few people really know the definition of sincerity. It seems that throughout the years whenever I have had a disagreement with a friend it was due to a perception of deceipt on my part.

These experiences throws me off every time because my mind doesn't live in a world of deception or hypocrisy. While my intellect might be deep, it's deep with information. It's not deep in anything else. As a matter of fact, I hate to state the truth but I am quite a "dumb blond" at times. My morning does not start by asking myself how I can make someone BE who I want them to be or DO what I want them to do. I don't try to set up the world as I want it. I try to set up the world as it should be, a place where people can be themselves and feel comfortable risking that rawness with a friend or lover. I want to support and uplift. I want to be a refuge to those who I care about. If a lover isn't what I want and need, instead of molding (or being disillusioned that I am capable of changing a whole lifetime of what defines them), I respectfully release that fish back into the sea. A world of disillusion at this stage in my life is torture, its the equivalent of a massive never ending headache. Something that those who know me well, know I want to invest little precious time or energy on. All you have to do is read my face and that reality becomes quite clear..



But today I stop to wonder why.. Why would someone imagine a person who by all accounts has shown sincerity, to be anything but.

My conclusion... I think at times we get caught up in our histories.. The histories of those that came before.. Philosopical writers such as Herman Simon would call these psychological short cuts. Their sole purpose is to help us weed through the barrage of information that get thrown at us on a daily basis.

Our internal conversations go something like this: "Why did she talk about that to her?" Oh, she must have a bottom line because you know what.. last time something similiar happened with this girl Beth and what she was doing was..."

Sound familiar? I'm sure you can fill in the blanks...

Is it normal this dialogue, absolutely. Is there anything we can do to stop it? I would say have a sincere talk but let's be honest, that conversation takes bravery. Let's face it most of us aren't brave. We are afraid of what might end up being on the other side of that conversation.

For those who know your subject well, I would implore you to tally your experiences and interactions with them. What have they done or said to show you a lack of sincerity and a deceptive nature. If the pros outweight the cons.. ok, write them off.. Move on knowing you are validated by getting rid of dead weight. Weight that will only add to a drowning, an inevitable demise. Nobody needs that energy around. It's okay, let that fool go.. I give you permission!! Some friends are meant for a moment and lesson, not a lifetime!

If instead, they've shown a great deal of civility, character and honesty. Weight that as well.. Stop and redirect that internal conversation you're having, reconfigure those psychological short cuts. Examine the definition of sin-ser-i-tee and don't trap yourself into a short cut. Instead, nurture and protect that relationship. Allow it to flourish and grow. Get your ass out of that corner, stand up straight, speak up, and be brave!! Speak words of healing and hold on to the precious gem you have in front of you.. That, my friend, is one of those rare friendship of a lifetime!