Cuz I'm the shit...

They say that cockiness is unattractive but in the same breath they say confidence is sexy...

So I wonder what makes you cocky as opposed to confident

I got to admit, I think very highly of myself.. I find myself extremely attractive. I am tall, curious, ambitious, intelligent, comfortable in my skin, confident in my ability, easy going, funny... Did I say I look good too??

I am giving, caring, loyal, compassionate, open, understanding, friendly... Did I say I look good too??

I think my friends are lucky to have me around to lighten the mood, and help them enjoy life. I think my family see me as dependable, non-judgemental, and full of spirit. I think that a man couldn't do better than to pursue me knowing that I am all of the above but also a partner, considerate, affectionate, committed and nurturing.

Sometimes I am told "nobody loves Tara more than Tara" but this statement honestly confuses me... Why should anyone love me more?

The world can be hard. You are faced by media images of what is perceived as beautiful but lacks any root in reality. Images or words that cut to the soul of young impressionable kids. They see and are told what they should feel about themselves. They are bombarded by these things. They face emotional up and downs. They experience journeys that take them through different life stages and personality crises. I refuse to let other's opinions mold my self-perception.

My image of myself helps me slap these stereotypes in the face. I don't need someone to make me feel that I am worthy. I know I am. I know qualities of love, patience, and kindness and I recognize that beauty in myself.

So at the end of the day call me cocky, call me confidence (did I mention I look good??)... makes no difference to me and ask me if I care cuz bottom line... I'm the shit!!!

I need a shopping list

I am the kind of girl that likes to go grocery shopping without a list. When I am at the store I am moved to buy whatever looks good. Does it smell nice? Is there a potential new flavor to experience? Does is satisfy my sweet tooth or my current craving? The problem with not taking a list to the store is that I'm driven to buy things that I don't need, that I will spend ridiculous amounts of money on, that could have a high likelihood of being wasted, or that are ultimately unhealthy?

Lately I see the world of dating in the same light?

I recently polled my friends to ask them how they define attraction. I wanted to know what it is about a person that sparks an initial interest. I've recently been on a few dates where it seemed the men have practically drooled at my feet. Unfortunately however that seemed to be the extent of their desire to know me. I felt like a "trophy" that was to be nicely displayed for the enjoyment of their friends, family or simply their personal ego.

I'm reading a book that helps you assess yourself, figure out what you want in a future life partner, and learn how to be receptive and have positive life experiences. In the book the author discusses attraction as being different for everyone. In specific she discusses three examples of attraction:

-attraction = a high that you experience when your man walks into the room
-attraction = a soulful connection and a feeling of being meant for each other
-attraction = as expressed through a sense of ease, comfort or security


My experiences of late have had me thinking that for the men in question, their desires lived mostly in option number one. For me, attraction waivered between doors number two and three. Attraction to me, is measured by feeling like I have a common ground with a man. Something that comes with a deep understanding of them - a deeper connection. That attraction is made stronger by a feeling of comfort in the dialogue, myself in my skin, my surroundings, and a sense that "I won't be blindly typecast or bound in a box". That I can be free to be myself and be desired more by my character, humor, and personality than by the fact that I look good in that short, short dress.

I am not saying that having an animalistic attraction to someone is bad. Not in the slightest. I just want "more". I don't want to feel as if I am judged solely on my "public" appeal.

Going grocery shopping without a list, drives you to buy what looks good. Over the years I have tasted that thing that was sinful. But I'm finding that in this phase of my life, I need a list. Not a list of the ideal mate, with ridiculous standards and the unachievable perfect "man", but a shopping sheet that makes it known that I know what I want and that I am not looking for just any thing to throw in my cart.. Something I think men and women often so blindly do..

It is like I am buying a new car but I am also weighing all the pros and cons...

I'm assessing attraction. I am weighing what I want as far as spiritual needs. I am thinking about important financial matters, spending/saving habits, priorities. How we communicate. What his appearance says about him. How likely we are to enjoy the same activities. whether we desire the same social level/frequencies. Our ideas of families. Whether we can share a true partnership. Whether we have similar styles of affection. If we have similar "healthy" lifestyles. And most importantly if there is shared values of loyalty, honesty, commitment, respect, drive, and compassion..

Maybe it happens with age, or maybe its just me.. but as much as I might want to throw something in the cart on that whim, I find it more satisfying to shop with a list.. A list that will help me find the items that will not just nourish my pallet but most importantly help me nourish my full soul