I found this list I wrote a few days ago. Reading it made my insides flutter but midway through peacefully settle. Pure beauty...
1. your smile
2. your carefree spirit
3. your strong sense of self
4. your love and commitment to your son
5. your drive and motivation
6. your ability to listen
7. how you care
8. how you take care of me
9. how you make me look at myself
10. how you believe in me
11. how you treat me with respect
12. your love of children
13. your strong value of family
14. your sex appeal
15. your gentlemanly virtues
16. your ability to apologize
17. your commitment to your health
18. the way you show affection
19. your soft kisses
20. your intellect
21. your sense of humor
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Jone$es
So I rented this movie thinking.. oh Demi Moore, she hasn't been in anything in a hot minute.. Was it great? Let's just say it got a B/C rating. But it is definitely an interesting concept. The movie is about a family, or rather four salespeople pretending to be a family. Their reason: to sell the hottest and latest protects to their unsuspecting neighbors or schoolmates. My first thought, really weird..
But then I started thinking, how many people have I met that are all about what they have. Their lives revolve around buying the "newest" products. I personally have always felt that the need to "brag" is more or less a way to compensate for a lack of something. A lack of confidence, a lack of intelligence, a lack of much of a life really.
What I'm saying is that I'm tired of people (especially men I've dated) trying to live like the Joneses. They pretend to have this endless stream of cash and spend, spend, spend for a gadget that nobody will care about come 6 months. I just don't get it.
My perspective.. F**K it, give me the cheap brand, give me the extra cash to go fly out of the country somewhere. A beach, Europe, something that will have a residual effect of longer than a five minute fad!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Better to have loved and lost or
They say that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. That's an interesting statement.. One that I've often discussed with friends who's opinions lie on both ends of the spectrum.. I at one time found myself torn...
I know so many people who bemoan their singleness. They say it's awful, lonely, boring, difficult. The search for that special person is a full time job that nobody wants to venture into. Sure the beginning stages are great. You get those butterflies that come with the "newness" of the relationship. You spend hours on the phone finding out each others personalities, similarities, differences, values, joys, sorrows. You get to absorb into each other. But once this stage wears off what happens next? If you're lucky you continue on your high (granted a more level one). If not, what most find, is that right around the 3 month mark people begin to change. It's like they put their best foot forward and now the true quirks and personalities flaws come shining through. You spend those next 3 months finding out the true or shall we say "whole" picture.
On the other hand you have those other people. You know the ones who are actually in relationships. Now again, you may have those rare few that proclaim they have a dream come true in their significant other. The rest of this population however, spend time complaining, "Man this is work", "This fool doesn't appreciate anything", "You can't live with them, can't shoot them". This group honestly love their partner but can't seem to figure out how to maintain a healthy balance. Maybe they still struggle to figure that balance out, or maybe they are struggling to satisfy both partner's needs. Sometimes it seems the confusion and work is not worth the effort.
Better to have loved and lost... The reality is do you choose to be alone and lonely or to risk your heart and commit yourself to the hard work a good relationship requires. It seems like the answer would be simple but for those who have opened themselves up and been hurt, its not..
Than to never have loved at all... Love, I believe, is what makes the world go around. Life is much brighter, much more enjoyable, much more exciting when you have someone there by your side. To motivate you, inspire you, believe in you, remind you to take in the small things, share your experiences, validate your life.
I've been on both ends. I've been the single one. Dating tirelessly and being disillusioned time and time again. Enthralled but exhausted with the "game" that seems to be commonplace in this day and age. I've also been in the relationship. Happy and content and yet struggling to make it all make sense.
What I've come to find out is that love is wonderful, loss is painful, but the journey makes it all worth while. If you're smart, as I believe myself to be, you take both and you learn. You take the great of the love and you make mental notes about what made it so great. You then take the pain of the loss and you find a way to make it a lesson learned (whether small or large). You find a way to develop your own balance so that the pain doesn't hinder your ability to love again and the love allows you the ability to believe in wonderful possibilities and ultimate and complete happiness!!
I know so many people who bemoan their singleness. They say it's awful, lonely, boring, difficult. The search for that special person is a full time job that nobody wants to venture into. Sure the beginning stages are great. You get those butterflies that come with the "newness" of the relationship. You spend hours on the phone finding out each others personalities, similarities, differences, values, joys, sorrows. You get to absorb into each other. But once this stage wears off what happens next? If you're lucky you continue on your high (granted a more level one). If not, what most find, is that right around the 3 month mark people begin to change. It's like they put their best foot forward and now the true quirks and personalities flaws come shining through. You spend those next 3 months finding out the true or shall we say "whole" picture.
On the other hand you have those other people. You know the ones who are actually in relationships. Now again, you may have those rare few that proclaim they have a dream come true in their significant other. The rest of this population however, spend time complaining, "Man this is work", "This fool doesn't appreciate anything", "You can't live with them, can't shoot them". This group honestly love their partner but can't seem to figure out how to maintain a healthy balance. Maybe they still struggle to figure that balance out, or maybe they are struggling to satisfy both partner's needs. Sometimes it seems the confusion and work is not worth the effort.
Better to have loved and lost... The reality is do you choose to be alone and lonely or to risk your heart and commit yourself to the hard work a good relationship requires. It seems like the answer would be simple but for those who have opened themselves up and been hurt, its not..
Than to never have loved at all... Love, I believe, is what makes the world go around. Life is much brighter, much more enjoyable, much more exciting when you have someone there by your side. To motivate you, inspire you, believe in you, remind you to take in the small things, share your experiences, validate your life.
I've been on both ends. I've been the single one. Dating tirelessly and being disillusioned time and time again. Enthralled but exhausted with the "game" that seems to be commonplace in this day and age. I've also been in the relationship. Happy and content and yet struggling to make it all make sense.
What I've come to find out is that love is wonderful, loss is painful, but the journey makes it all worth while. If you're smart, as I believe myself to be, you take both and you learn. You take the great of the love and you make mental notes about what made it so great. You then take the pain of the loss and you find a way to make it a lesson learned (whether small or large). You find a way to develop your own balance so that the pain doesn't hinder your ability to love again and the love allows you the ability to believe in wonderful possibilities and ultimate and complete happiness!!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
trust and growth
In the past week I've had three of my girls break down and analyze "trust". Dating and love is hard. Even the best of relatiionships are hard. The more you open up the more there's room for vulnerability to creep in. The truth of the matter is that most in their lives have been exposed to some element of dishonesty from someone. Whether it was a parent, lover or friend. Being in a situation of dishonesty is world changing......
I think our past often define us. We live our lives guarded against our weakest (blind) spots. We unknowingly blame the new guy for past hurts. It's natural and it's hard to break the cycle. I've found for me that the trick is being very observant of the new person. What he says, does, how he shows respect and love. You have to let that guide you.
Our weakness is always there. We have to know ourselves and get past that fear. That's really the only way to open ourselves up and get to something better, something happier, and something sturdy.
I think about all the women out there who've been dogged and now close themselves off and I'm saddened. Or other women who had no positive male role models and now open themselves up too much. Sometimes I think of then men who are in similar situtions, dogged by fathers with no strong role models.
I know my perspective by some might sound naive but how's life worth living if you view the world through other glasses. No the world may not always be rose colored but there are a lot of beautiful elements, beautiful things to learn and share. I've always thought that the beauty of life is better reflected in a shared experience. Having someone to be there to not only validate your life but to help nurture and feed it.
I think our past often define us. We live our lives guarded against our weakest (blind) spots. We unknowingly blame the new guy for past hurts. It's natural and it's hard to break the cycle. I've found for me that the trick is being very observant of the new person. What he says, does, how he shows respect and love. You have to let that guide you.
Our weakness is always there. We have to know ourselves and get past that fear. That's really the only way to open ourselves up and get to something better, something happier, and something sturdy.
I think about all the women out there who've been dogged and now close themselves off and I'm saddened. Or other women who had no positive male role models and now open themselves up too much. Sometimes I think of then men who are in similar situtions, dogged by fathers with no strong role models.
I know my perspective by some might sound naive but how's life worth living if you view the world through other glasses. No the world may not always be rose colored but there are a lot of beautiful elements, beautiful things to learn and share. I've always thought that the beauty of life is better reflected in a shared experience. Having someone to be there to not only validate your life but to help nurture and feed it.
Friday, September 3, 2010
My current Chapter is... judgements
I sat in my afternoon yoga class and the assignment was to journal. She asked us to think about what the name of our book would be called (little did she know this has been on my mind for months), then to think about the name of the current chapter in our book. Would there be a subtitle??
The first thing that came to mind was judgements. I had one of my proudest moments recently when my little sister said to me that I was fun to hang out with and to confide in. "She has not a judgemental or mean bone in her body!" she facebooked.
I try to live my life that way. It's easier for me to be happy and to function if I let everyone's decisions be confined to their own reasonings. I've found that life is too challenging and complex to spend time inserting my own beliefs or understandings on why other people do what they do.
Seriously. I think my sanity comes from looking at other people's life and living by my mom's favorite phrase of "whatever floats your boat".
Think about it through this example, you know your friend is being cheated on. You quickly make a judgement about her because she takes the man back. What is the likely outcome to that judgement: A. She responds and drops his ass. B. She gets defensive and drops your ass. C. She stays with the guy and your relationship becomes strained because of your words. My experience has been that 9 times out of ten the answer will be either B or C. And the reality is there may be a lot of variables you don't know about. I.e. they could have an open relationship, she cheated on him last week, one of them doesn't enjoy sex so the other one can cheat.. The list goes on and on.
Growing up I was never the social one so I didn't often have the problem of getting into everyone's business. I stood on the sidelines. I read and I learned. I let other people's lives teach me what to do and what not to do. It's not hard to see why I ended up studying human communication. Humans and their behaviors fascinate me.
I'll pick on my sister here. I've always been puzzled with why she can go to a spot and always pick out the one or two people that are looking at her cross. Never in my life have I noticed the same!! If we pick apart the possible reasons for this "cold" look we come up with the following: Jealousy, Drunken stupor, Admiration, etc. Why make an assumption when it's just going to stir you up and cause a possible negative reaction. The truth is that some people were not shown proper public ettiquette. Who are they to have some power over your life? Know those facts and move on. Don't spend another moment caring or even thinking about them.
Here's the tough example: relationships. Many of you know my stance on this. I will never say that it is easy to end a relationship. I have been through some that have left me speechless and feeling like there's a huge hole in my heart. I can get mad, I can call the man every name in the book (and sometimes yes he deserves it), I can go out looking like a damn fool, but for what.
My reality has always been this. If you know yourself and you know that you've behaved with dignity and class, why should anything else matter. There are always going to be a multitude of reasons for why people break up. A. Maybe one partner wasn't mature enough B. One had too much residual relationship damage. C. Timing was just bad.. With all those variables in the air, what can you possibly do but to move on with your head held high. Turning it over and over again in your head wont make you feel better when most likely it can be summed up in A, B, or C. The underlying truth is the person didn't see your great worth and it's their loss.
I remember once learning in a psychology class that people can not be changed by any hand other than their own. Think about it that way. You're two pieces of a larger puzzle, and you just don't fit. You can't cheat the puzzle and make it conform. You have to move on knowing the right piece will be out there and you'll soon find it.
Making judgements about another's life is difficult. Think about it when you know how it feels to have others judge you. I'm proud to have friends I love and respect. Sometimes their decisions puzzle me. Sometimes I may take them, chew them on for size, and think about how I'd respond in that situation. If the friend asks, I share that advice but if not, I allow myself to be a place to bounce ideas off of. You can't force someone to do as you do. You have to let them learn and do their own growing. They've had a different life and their reality might be a lot different than yours. The only thing you can do is be there and be supportive...
The first thing that came to mind was judgements. I had one of my proudest moments recently when my little sister said to me that I was fun to hang out with and to confide in. "She has not a judgemental or mean bone in her body!" she facebooked.
I try to live my life that way. It's easier for me to be happy and to function if I let everyone's decisions be confined to their own reasonings. I've found that life is too challenging and complex to spend time inserting my own beliefs or understandings on why other people do what they do.
Seriously. I think my sanity comes from looking at other people's life and living by my mom's favorite phrase of "whatever floats your boat".
Think about it through this example, you know your friend is being cheated on. You quickly make a judgement about her because she takes the man back. What is the likely outcome to that judgement: A. She responds and drops his ass. B. She gets defensive and drops your ass. C. She stays with the guy and your relationship becomes strained because of your words. My experience has been that 9 times out of ten the answer will be either B or C. And the reality is there may be a lot of variables you don't know about. I.e. they could have an open relationship, she cheated on him last week, one of them doesn't enjoy sex so the other one can cheat.. The list goes on and on.
Growing up I was never the social one so I didn't often have the problem of getting into everyone's business. I stood on the sidelines. I read and I learned. I let other people's lives teach me what to do and what not to do. It's not hard to see why I ended up studying human communication. Humans and their behaviors fascinate me.
I'll pick on my sister here. I've always been puzzled with why she can go to a spot and always pick out the one or two people that are looking at her cross. Never in my life have I noticed the same!! If we pick apart the possible reasons for this "cold" look we come up with the following: Jealousy, Drunken stupor, Admiration, etc. Why make an assumption when it's just going to stir you up and cause a possible negative reaction. The truth is that some people were not shown proper public ettiquette. Who are they to have some power over your life? Know those facts and move on. Don't spend another moment caring or even thinking about them.
Here's the tough example: relationships. Many of you know my stance on this. I will never say that it is easy to end a relationship. I have been through some that have left me speechless and feeling like there's a huge hole in my heart. I can get mad, I can call the man every name in the book (and sometimes yes he deserves it), I can go out looking like a damn fool, but for what.
My reality has always been this. If you know yourself and you know that you've behaved with dignity and class, why should anything else matter. There are always going to be a multitude of reasons for why people break up. A. Maybe one partner wasn't mature enough B. One had too much residual relationship damage. C. Timing was just bad.. With all those variables in the air, what can you possibly do but to move on with your head held high. Turning it over and over again in your head wont make you feel better when most likely it can be summed up in A, B, or C. The underlying truth is the person didn't see your great worth and it's their loss.
I remember once learning in a psychology class that people can not be changed by any hand other than their own. Think about it that way. You're two pieces of a larger puzzle, and you just don't fit. You can't cheat the puzzle and make it conform. You have to move on knowing the right piece will be out there and you'll soon find it.
Making judgements about another's life is difficult. Think about it when you know how it feels to have others judge you. I'm proud to have friends I love and respect. Sometimes their decisions puzzle me. Sometimes I may take them, chew them on for size, and think about how I'd respond in that situation. If the friend asks, I share that advice but if not, I allow myself to be a place to bounce ideas off of. You can't force someone to do as you do. You have to let them learn and do their own growing. They've had a different life and their reality might be a lot different than yours. The only thing you can do is be there and be supportive...
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