I've always been a person who self-reflects.. As a matter of fact, I'd say I can't leave any situation without
I often think about what my actions and choices say about me. I won't go so far as to say I try to be a good person because "good" is subjective. For me all that matters is that I'm living my authentic truth -- that I'm growing and learning every day. That I'm shaping my life full of my own personal convictions
I'm about to be 40 in few months and what I realized is that thus far I've lived a life I can admire...
I've accomplished the most stringent of challenges (grad school about caused me to have a stroke), and been blessed enough to travel the world (my greatest joy -- well maybe second to good sex ;).. lol). I've done work I found meaningful and in many ways rewarding...
I care about people (humanity in general but mostly friends/family, let's face it strangers can be annoying) -- I try my best in situations to act out of love. Not filtering this verb by people's actions but by the fact that they matter and I care about them in spite of and because of their strengths and weaknesses.
I live a life free of judgement -- You can own five pigs and let them sleep in your bed, you could have been a criminal in a past or this life, you can kiss frogs, practice a dominant/submissive lifestyle, make a living as an escort, or marry your sister's ex-husband if you want. Makes no difference to me. If I'm honest I'm more curious as to why people make choices than to feel a need to conform them to my standards.
Why am I writing this tonight?? I see every day people post things (some intended to be funny, some not) about other people and it just bothers me. It's almost the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. I can never ever seem to understand the purpose. I don't understand how or why people find it amusing or just to feel that their life experiences are supreme and therefore they're entitled to do anything, much less label others. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do, where you come from.. this shouldn't be your right.
The lesson of our lifetime... the lesson we still strive to teach in civil rights laws and in classrooms is that we're all just people, and we all carry within ourselves different values, morals, priorities, life experiences and histories. No two people will have the same notion of right or wrong, define life in the same way, or see the same situation thru the same lens. That's what's beautiful about the world.
Realize that all the mistakes people make are their own to make, their experiences to have, their lessons to learn, their growth to be had. And more than that, realize that they may not even view them as mistakes.
So just stop.. and before you act or speak, mind your business!!! ... lol
I think all we can do in life is act in kindness and compassion. We can't expect to have all the answers but instead be humble when we realize we don't. Life is a lesson and if we're lucky enough to live it we should do just that,... concentrate on our own living!!
Thursday, July 11, 2019
Sunday, May 26, 2019
this thing called love... defined by one
So the story goes like this..
You see that fine ass man across the room, you lock eyes, and then you just know... right?
That's what all the books say. You feel tingles, butterflies, the harp playing in the background, the heavens open up and wollla, as they say "the rest is history"
Is it naive to say I bought into the hype. I read the books, watched the hallmark movies, felt the blood rush through my veins and was convinced that there was a sequence to this thing called love.
But when reality struck... it was messy, it was damn ugly.. and it was me screaming at the top of my lungs about how horrible and painful this shit reallly is...
Horrible because what they don't tell you is that love can be all-consuming. What the books are right in saying is that you can be completely knocked off your feet. What they DON'T say is that you don't always lose your wind by gasping at the beauty of it. You literally knock the wind out by slipping and falling, and the shit of it is, you were paying attention to every step you took...
You see you want so badly to make the shit work because you feel like you can. You've got all the skills, you've studied all the books, movies, watched Dr. Phil a time or 2000. But like all people, you are just human and generally we all fail before we succeed.. and failure is just... well it's damn painful.
What everyone knows is that it's the first 3 months that put the stars in our eyes. It's that time when people make sure to actually listen to all their mommas told them about how to treat a woman or cater to a man. It's opening doors, it's swallowing the meal that's barely edible, it's sitting through an evening with his/her friends that make you want to stab your eye out. It's all the things we do to leave an impression.
But it's not the happy times that will bring about that joy. Its the sunshine at the end of the thunderstorm. It's the argument which leads to the most intense and eye-opening conversation. It's the growth that comes after you realize that his street single parent upbringing and your middle class two parent home, has taught you two completely different senses of reality. It's the knowledge that two can become one mind and create a world that values each other's differences.
I'm a person who has had a book in my hand for as long as I can remember. And I'm just gonna be real and say most of them had some element of love. Love always fascinated me. It was always my secret wish. It was the thing I wasn't willing to compromise on.
It just had to make me giddy. It had to make me laugh. It had to bring about tears. It had to make me FEEL.. I mean deep all the way around... I had to be moveeeddddd... And if it didn't, it wasn't what I wanted. I was happy just existing on my own. I enjoyed my own company more than being bored with someone who just checked the right boxes.
But when I found it, I realized... Damn, it's not always all you think it should be. It's not always fair, or just, or patient, or kind. It's sometimes an asshole, and sometimes a miracle. It's often a high, yet sometimes a low. It jumps inside you and digs at you, it jumps on your very damn last nerve.. but in the end when you face it, if it was real for you, you realize one very important thing, it matters. It was worth every damn day, hour, minute, and second.
Whether a lifetime or a quick blimp of a summer romance, it creates more personal lessons than anything else could possibly bring. It helps us see ourselves, it helps us see our convictions, understand our priorities, and face who we truly are. It's the tool that turns a rock into a rare gem, shining and shaping us. Helping us see ourselves a little clearer, and allowing us to step into ourselves with confidence, beauty, and gratitude.
You see that fine ass man across the room, you lock eyes, and then you just know... right?
That's what all the books say. You feel tingles, butterflies, the harp playing in the background, the heavens open up and wollla, as they say "the rest is history"
Is it naive to say I bought into the hype. I read the books, watched the hallmark movies, felt the blood rush through my veins and was convinced that there was a sequence to this thing called love.
But when reality struck... it was messy, it was damn ugly.. and it was me screaming at the top of my lungs about how horrible and painful this shit reallly is...
Horrible because what they don't tell you is that love can be all-consuming. What the books are right in saying is that you can be completely knocked off your feet. What they DON'T say is that you don't always lose your wind by gasping at the beauty of it. You literally knock the wind out by slipping and falling, and the shit of it is, you were paying attention to every step you took...
You see you want so badly to make the shit work because you feel like you can. You've got all the skills, you've studied all the books, movies, watched Dr. Phil a time or 2000. But like all people, you are just human and generally we all fail before we succeed.. and failure is just... well it's damn painful.
What everyone knows is that it's the first 3 months that put the stars in our eyes. It's that time when people make sure to actually listen to all their mommas told them about how to treat a woman or cater to a man. It's opening doors, it's swallowing the meal that's barely edible, it's sitting through an evening with his/her friends that make you want to stab your eye out. It's all the things we do to leave an impression.
But it's not the happy times that will bring about that joy. Its the sunshine at the end of the thunderstorm. It's the argument which leads to the most intense and eye-opening conversation. It's the growth that comes after you realize that his street single parent upbringing and your middle class two parent home, has taught you two completely different senses of reality. It's the knowledge that two can become one mind and create a world that values each other's differences.
I'm a person who has had a book in my hand for as long as I can remember. And I'm just gonna be real and say most of them had some element of love. Love always fascinated me. It was always my secret wish. It was the thing I wasn't willing to compromise on.
It just had to make me giddy. It had to make me laugh. It had to bring about tears. It had to make me FEEL.. I mean deep all the way around... I had to be moveeeddddd... And if it didn't, it wasn't what I wanted. I was happy just existing on my own. I enjoyed my own company more than being bored with someone who just checked the right boxes.
But when I found it, I realized... Damn, it's not always all you think it should be. It's not always fair, or just, or patient, or kind. It's sometimes an asshole, and sometimes a miracle. It's often a high, yet sometimes a low. It jumps inside you and digs at you, it jumps on your very damn last nerve.. but in the end when you face it, if it was real for you, you realize one very important thing, it matters. It was worth every damn day, hour, minute, and second.
Whether a lifetime or a quick blimp of a summer romance, it creates more personal lessons than anything else could possibly bring. It helps us see ourselves, it helps us see our convictions, understand our priorities, and face who we truly are. It's the tool that turns a rock into a rare gem, shining and shaping us. Helping us see ourselves a little clearer, and allowing us to step into ourselves with confidence, beauty, and gratitude.
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