this thing called love... defined by one

So the story goes like this..

You see that fine ass man across the room, you lock eyes, and then you just know... right?

That's what all the books say. You feel tingles, butterflies, the harp playing in the background, the heavens open up and wollla, as they say "the rest is history"

Is it naive to say I bought into the hype. I read the books, watched the hallmark movies, felt the blood rush through my veins and was convinced that there was a sequence to this thing called love.

But when reality struck... it was messy, it was damn ugly.. and it was me screaming at the top of my lungs about how horrible and painful this shit reallly is...

Horrible because what they don't tell you is that love can be all-consuming. What the books are right in saying is that you can be completely knocked off your feet. What they DON'T say is that you don't always lose your wind by gasping at the beauty of it. You literally knock the wind out by slipping and falling, and the shit of it is, you were paying attention to every step you took...

You see you want so badly to make the shit work because you feel like you can. You've got all the skills, you've studied all the books, movies, watched Dr. Phil a time or 2000. But like all people, you are just human and generally we all fail before we succeed.. and failure is just... well it's damn painful.

What everyone knows is that it's the first 3 months that put the stars in our eyes. It's that time when people make sure to actually listen to all their mommas told them about how to treat a woman or cater to a man. It's opening doors, it's swallowing the meal that's barely edible, it's sitting through an evening with his/her friends that make you want to stab your eye out. It's all the things we do to leave an impression.

But it's not the happy times that will bring about that joy. Its the sunshine at the end of the thunderstorm. It's the argument which leads to the most intense and eye-opening conversation. It's the growth that comes after you realize that his street single parent upbringing and your middle class two parent home, has taught you two completely different senses of reality. It's the knowledge that two can become one mind and create a world that values each other's differences.

I'm a person who has had a book in my hand for as long as I can remember. And I'm just gonna be real and say most of them had some element of love. Love always fascinated me. It was always my secret wish. It was the thing I wasn't willing to compromise on.

It just had to make me giddy. It had to make me laugh. It had to bring about tears. It had to make me FEEL.. I mean deep all the way around... I had to be moveeeddddd... And if it didn't, it wasn't what I wanted. I was happy just existing on my own. I enjoyed my own company more than being bored with someone who just checked the right boxes.

But when I found it, I realized... Damn, it's not always all you think it should be. It's not always fair, or just, or patient, or kind. It's sometimes an asshole, and sometimes a miracle. It's often a high, yet sometimes a low. It jumps inside you and digs at you, it jumps on your very damn last nerve.. but in the end when you face it, if it was real for you, you realize one very important thing, it matters. It was worth every damn day, hour, minute, and second.

Whether a lifetime or a quick blimp of a summer romance, it creates more personal lessons than anything else could possibly bring. It helps us see ourselves, it helps us see our convictions, understand our priorities, and face who we truly are. It's the tool that turns a rock into a rare gem, shining and shaping us. Helping us see ourselves a little clearer, and allowing us to step into ourselves with confidence, beauty, and gratitude.