-noun
Endorphins… lol.. got to love the endorphins. Maybe it’s something about the word that thrills me. Maybe it’s the sensual, ris-kay thoughts that it arouses. There’s just something hypnotizing to me about living your life in pursuit of pleasure. Enjoying the highs, feeling as if the blood is running through your veins! Being bold enough to risk possible vulnerability, standing firm in what drives you toward satisfaction.
The dictionary's definition of an endorphin is a group of hormones that are released in the brain. When released, endorphins release a feel-good feeling. A feeling that increase the body's threshold for pain and give a chemical reaction similiar to morphine!
My definition:
1. A soft, savory kiss with my man.
2. Being wrapped up in the troughs of passion, candles lit, shadowy soft lighting
3. Walking around naked. Confident in my skin and celebrating my beauty (extra curves, rolls and all).
4. A nice big chunk of… smooth chocolat!
5. Deep, gut wrenching laughter.
6. Witnessing real love, a man and a woman making a commitment to battle all the ups and downs
7. Hitting the nail on the head when I pen my emotions. Writing is truly healing.
8. A nice intense work-out. Where I’m in the zone, experiencing a “runner’s high”.
9. Becoming a woman of integrity, a person who lives with her convictions, and can continue to learn from life, others, and her mistakes.
10. A hike taken in nature!
I think it's important to find your endorphins! Don't overlook or forget your pleasure, your sensualities, your opportunities for release!!
So tell me, whats your morphine? What are your endorphins??
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
20 things I wish I would've known at 20...
The thing about being a Libra, and a middle child for that matter, is that you are molded to balance. You balance your life with work, you balance your friends with family, in essence your world is a balance and you feel a responsibility to have the right balance. I think God has a sense of humor when he created me. I can’t get through a week without wondering how many times a day or week I’ll be able to take my dog for a walk, or exercise myself, or see the man, or see my folks. My balanced self, made sure that my college life was accomplished in four years with exactly 120 credits, the minimum needed. My balanced self, has to make sure that each and every niece/nephew gets equal time and attention. My balanced self sees the good and bad in all people and situations. My balanced self, got a damn degree in communication for goodness sake! As such I guess it goes without saying that many people are amused by my balanced self and my balanced insights on relationships, in particular mine and my learning experiences.
My best friend Karem keeps telling me I need to blog and share my wisdom with the world (like they care??). Good meaning though she is, I ignored her attempt at flattery and went about my business. Not long afterwards I was browsing the yahoo relationship section and I came across a piece that an amateur writer had penned listing the top 20 things she wished she would’ve known by 20. Of course this list, weak as I believe it was, propelled me to my own list. Over my measly decade of dating, I began to wonder, “What are my biggest lessons? What would I share with a clueless friend, or a dear niece, or a future daughter?”. My balanced self, of course, could not miss the opportunity to highlight what has helped me find love, happiness, and of course “balance”. So without further ado, and in no particular order:
1. Everyone has insecurity. Some people choose to beat themselves to death with them. Fact is both men and women have flaws. You have to learn to accept what you can, fix what you can’t and understand nothing and nobody’s perfect.
2. Nobody starts out their lives thinking,” damn.. I know it all! I’m that smart!” The measure of true success is growing with your relationships. You learn from your mistakes. Take a second, figure out what went wrong, and find a way to move on.
3. Know yourself before you get to the point where you want to commit your life to someone. The fact is that everyone wants love. They want the happily ever after. If you don’t value yourself, and know what it is you are about and what you want, you will mold yourself to your partner. You will do what they do and be what you think they want and there’s no room for you. Find someone who values you and doesn’t mind disagreeing.
4. Listen to his stories. Learn what matters to him. Make sure he listens to yours. If he's not interested in hearing yours, he's not interested in the real you.
5. Don’t feel you have to do everything with him. Time apart is good. You have time to miss someone! Missing your man brings heat to the relationship. You value someone even more.
6. Trust. That one word sums it up but I will add this, relationships are about risk, so risk! That’s the only way you’ll find true love. Don’t regret trusting!
7. Pay attention. You can tell early on if a man is controlling, dangerous, manipulative, or a liar. There are signs people! It’s in their words (stories) but mostly it’s in their actions. How does he treat you from day to day? Does he open the door one minute and 2 hours later, lets it close in your face?? That’s a sign people!! Make sure he does not define you.
8. Define your OWN relationship with your partner. Don’t look at others and envy them. The world has changed since our parents time. Relationships do not start or succeed how they once did. You need to discuss, big and little things! Find out what’s important to each of you. Create a top ten do and a top ten don’t list (you don’t have to put it on the fridge, just take mental notes). This will come in handy.
9. Realize that there is no perfect. You might have someone who may be perfect for you but that does not mean that your relationship will be perfect. Relationships are about two people from completely different histories and world views trying to merge. There’s going to be conflict. Don’t let it get you down. Figure out your way to work through it.
10. When you argue about something, discuss it. Have a session, however long it takes. Then let the subject drop. It is not fair to either of you to hash the same issue over and over again. And it is okay to walk away. You don’t have to solve something right away every time. Sometimes you need to go somewhere alone and reevaluate. Whatever you do, do not name call and do not say something in anger you can’t take back.
11. Do not hold your tongue too long. If you do, it’ll lead you to resentments and that will lead to an explosive argument that may be too far gone and too complicated to tackle.
12. Never start a conversation with “we need to talk”. Bring up tough conversations at comfortable times and in a light manner. Your partner will be more receptive then.
13. Make sure you tell someone how you feel about them. The opportunity might not always be there. They may not know or they may not be around long. Have no regrets!
14. Don’t take it personal. When things don’t work out it can be for a lot of reasons. A, timing. B, maturity. C, work. The list goes on and on. You have to realize what your mistakes are but don’t be so wrapped up in someone you feel like you’ve died. Sometimes things are out of your control. It doesn’t mean you were blinded to his flaws or that he was a bad person. Just means it didn’t work. Remember we’re blending wants, desires, full lives. That’s tough!
15. Don’t get bogged down with the physical. Physical changes. In 20 years they’ll be fatter and grumpier, go with someone who fulfills the most aspects of your life and personality. Itis okay to have a wish list, just be realistic.
16. Let him have his friends and that bonding time. Have your friends and your bonding time. Set up rules about how you feel about opposite sex friends. Realize that some women were in his life before you and they somehow shaped who he is. If you can’t trust him around women, you will be paranoid and not happy.
17. Number one trait he should have is integrity. Everything else will align with that virtue. A man of integrity cares about his name. He will do whatever’s in his power to protect and nurture it. Honesty is of utmost importance.
18. Make sure you laugh together. That’s what will get you through the day and will bring about the most amazing memories!
19. Have fun. Focus on the good. Keep things fresh, keep things new. Don’t forget why you’re together. Be romantic!!
20. If you love someone, there is no perfect timing, you have to make room for that person in your life. Whatever it takes. Life is too bad and too good to be alone. The beauty of relationship is having a witness to all the good and bad.
My best friend Karem keeps telling me I need to blog and share my wisdom with the world (like they care??). Good meaning though she is, I ignored her attempt at flattery and went about my business. Not long afterwards I was browsing the yahoo relationship section and I came across a piece that an amateur writer had penned listing the top 20 things she wished she would’ve known by 20. Of course this list, weak as I believe it was, propelled me to my own list. Over my measly decade of dating, I began to wonder, “What are my biggest lessons? What would I share with a clueless friend, or a dear niece, or a future daughter?”. My balanced self, of course, could not miss the opportunity to highlight what has helped me find love, happiness, and of course “balance”. So without further ado, and in no particular order:
1. Everyone has insecurity. Some people choose to beat themselves to death with them. Fact is both men and women have flaws. You have to learn to accept what you can, fix what you can’t and understand nothing and nobody’s perfect.
2. Nobody starts out their lives thinking,” damn.. I know it all! I’m that smart!” The measure of true success is growing with your relationships. You learn from your mistakes. Take a second, figure out what went wrong, and find a way to move on.
3. Know yourself before you get to the point where you want to commit your life to someone. The fact is that everyone wants love. They want the happily ever after. If you don’t value yourself, and know what it is you are about and what you want, you will mold yourself to your partner. You will do what they do and be what you think they want and there’s no room for you. Find someone who values you and doesn’t mind disagreeing.
4. Listen to his stories. Learn what matters to him. Make sure he listens to yours. If he's not interested in hearing yours, he's not interested in the real you.
5. Don’t feel you have to do everything with him. Time apart is good. You have time to miss someone! Missing your man brings heat to the relationship. You value someone even more.
6. Trust. That one word sums it up but I will add this, relationships are about risk, so risk! That’s the only way you’ll find true love. Don’t regret trusting!
7. Pay attention. You can tell early on if a man is controlling, dangerous, manipulative, or a liar. There are signs people! It’s in their words (stories) but mostly it’s in their actions. How does he treat you from day to day? Does he open the door one minute and 2 hours later, lets it close in your face?? That’s a sign people!! Make sure he does not define you.
8. Define your OWN relationship with your partner. Don’t look at others and envy them. The world has changed since our parents time. Relationships do not start or succeed how they once did. You need to discuss, big and little things! Find out what’s important to each of you. Create a top ten do and a top ten don’t list (you don’t have to put it on the fridge, just take mental notes). This will come in handy.
9. Realize that there is no perfect. You might have someone who may be perfect for you but that does not mean that your relationship will be perfect. Relationships are about two people from completely different histories and world views trying to merge. There’s going to be conflict. Don’t let it get you down. Figure out your way to work through it.
10. When you argue about something, discuss it. Have a session, however long it takes. Then let the subject drop. It is not fair to either of you to hash the same issue over and over again. And it is okay to walk away. You don’t have to solve something right away every time. Sometimes you need to go somewhere alone and reevaluate. Whatever you do, do not name call and do not say something in anger you can’t take back.
11. Do not hold your tongue too long. If you do, it’ll lead you to resentments and that will lead to an explosive argument that may be too far gone and too complicated to tackle.
12. Never start a conversation with “we need to talk”. Bring up tough conversations at comfortable times and in a light manner. Your partner will be more receptive then.
13. Make sure you tell someone how you feel about them. The opportunity might not always be there. They may not know or they may not be around long. Have no regrets!
14. Don’t take it personal. When things don’t work out it can be for a lot of reasons. A, timing. B, maturity. C, work. The list goes on and on. You have to realize what your mistakes are but don’t be so wrapped up in someone you feel like you’ve died. Sometimes things are out of your control. It doesn’t mean you were blinded to his flaws or that he was a bad person. Just means it didn’t work. Remember we’re blending wants, desires, full lives. That’s tough!
15. Don’t get bogged down with the physical. Physical changes. In 20 years they’ll be fatter and grumpier, go with someone who fulfills the most aspects of your life and personality. Itis okay to have a wish list, just be realistic.
16. Let him have his friends and that bonding time. Have your friends and your bonding time. Set up rules about how you feel about opposite sex friends. Realize that some women were in his life before you and they somehow shaped who he is. If you can’t trust him around women, you will be paranoid and not happy.
17. Number one trait he should have is integrity. Everything else will align with that virtue. A man of integrity cares about his name. He will do whatever’s in his power to protect and nurture it. Honesty is of utmost importance.
18. Make sure you laugh together. That’s what will get you through the day and will bring about the most amazing memories!
19. Have fun. Focus on the good. Keep things fresh, keep things new. Don’t forget why you’re together. Be romantic!!
20. If you love someone, there is no perfect timing, you have to make room for that person in your life. Whatever it takes. Life is too bad and too good to be alone. The beauty of relationship is having a witness to all the good and bad.
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