Ok so I realized today that it's been awhile since I've blogged. Actually if I'm honest with myself I've been aware of that fact for quite some time now. The problem is I was paralyzed by love. I've been up and down in my relationship for quite some time now. Don't get me wrong it was a great relationship, the best I've had. Sometimes it's hard being up and down because you don't want the down to be negatively reflective of a guy who is beautiful inside and out, someone who is just dealing with a multitude of life's demands. So instead of discussing and getting the empathetic ear that's sometimes crucial in straightening out your emotions, you retreat. You retreat because you don't want to talk about it and you know eventually everyone will ask. It's not a bad thing, I personally find it essential and self-regulating, but it sometimes can be impersonal and lonely. That being said, it's definitely hard to create a balance. Balance that for a Libra is imperative. So in my effort to deal and to sort, I've retreated. Retreated from everything and anything so that I could figure out what was in my heart and mind, not what everyone else felt should be there.
Today I read a friend's blog and she was talking about being ready for that next stage of life. You know the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, happily ever after life. I guess in the storytails it's always like a model home: perfect. Never do the kids from the ex come into view, there's no baby momma drama, no bankrupcies, loss of employment, etc. There's get that great job, pay off all the bills, be in a great place, meet that great guy and one, two, two.five kids later you've reached that pinnacle of happiness. What I've come to realize and what most should know by now (those not living under a rock anyways) is that life isn't an order. It's a mess and it's unpredictable.
Thinking about my ex has made this topic or situation come to light for me. It's been highlighted quite a bit. I just don't understand why people want to live in a world with things that are temporary instead of actually living. They want that fat crib, that hummer, or they want to be perceived as being able to have that and being that person that can and will support the masses. The truth is life happens. You either choose to be present in life or you choose to exclude yourself in an effort to prioritize something that in the long run doesn't matter. Tell me this, what happens when you decide to put off love in an effort to pay off bills? Then you get to the point where the bills are paid and your one true love has moved on to another. All the riches in the world can't make you happy. I just find this sad, pathetic and lonely. Things will never be Walt Disney. And unfortunately people assume that if it isn't, the happiness won't be as concrete or complete. Truth is happiness is what you make it. It doesn't just come one day and slap you in the face to say "I'm here, wake up". If you want a family and want to travel too, make sure you plan a way to do both. Just be active in your future instead of thinking one means the other is gone forever.
So instead of choosing to live your life alone, choose to live it with someone, letting someone support your struggles, being a shoulder to your sorrows, and a champion of your successes. Is life really worth living if you are alone and miserable?
I know I've been M.I.A. but hopefully you all know you're loved. Its funny that this happened to be the topic of my return but when I look at all my loved ones, my lost love included, I see this as being the struggle of most. The thought that life isn't what it should be. So what happens, we become depressed so much we can't move to a place we CAN be happy. You are the agent of change and happiness is what you make it.
