I love you mommy, I sobbed through tears!

For anyone who knows me, I absolutely HATE Mother's Day! Now don't get me wrong, love my mom, respect all the mothers out there, but any childless woman past the age of 25 knows that on Mother's Days the questions/statements start rollin..

When is it your turn?
Are you and your man contemplating?
This is the LAST year I'm buying you a gift without you being a mom. You better be knocked up next year (thanks titi, love ya too!!)
Maybe you should consider adoption?
You're like a 2nd mom to the kids

Or worse yet is the big production of your 8 neices/nephews who march single-file line to deliver a card and a gift! Each name perfectly spelled out in the sweetest card, or scribbled in the earnest of efforts!!!.. Ok that is just painstakingly precious, but when you are an emotional waterfall like me when it comes to all things family and you break out in tears, you'd understand why that would simultaneously be like slow burning torture!

Sweet, loving, kind, generous ALL of it! (And definitely the brain child of my mother). Let's now add the words horrible, annoying, confusing, embarassing, and talk about pressure!!

So needless to say this year I was quite happy to be out of town in Dallas for most of the day. When I arrived back at noon I honestly contemplated pretending my flight got delayed a few hours. But like the responsible and dutiful daughter I am, I promptly called to find out the agenda.

Dragging my feet I drove to my mother's. So disillusioned that I forgot the gift and had to go back home. I drove, telling myself I would stop by Walgreens and pick up a card. However mind still mentally preparing, I completely overlooked it...

Cut to yesterday, May 12th.. Feeling bad and like I had been completely unspirited I called my mom.

"What you doing?" I asked shyly.
"Just watching tv and cooking" she says.
"Oh, how was your day?" I stall..
"Ok"
"Good.... So listen mom, I just realized I did not get you a Mother's Day card. I'm sorry!"
"Oh dear, you don't have to get me a card"...
"I know mom, it's just I was thinking about you the other day when I had my book club party. I found the little spreading knives you gave me and I realized you're just the most considerate person I know". Tears starting to flow... "I really think you're the most giving, caring person I know... I remember back in high school whenever I needed something I'd come home and it was on my bed... I find myself doing that with Jay always anticipating his needs and I think I get that from you. I'm really lucky to have you. I love you" now completely sobbing..
"Well I'm happy to do it while I'm here and I can. Thank you dear, it's really nice to hear." "Are you okay, are you on your period?"..
Laughing out loud "Yes mom but I just wanted to make sure you knew how much I appreciate you.... I guess it's more difficult saying the words than just writing it in a card".
"I know. I really like to hear it though. It means a lot!"
"Ok mom. Well I just wanted to call and say that.. I will let you get back to what you were doing".
"Ok dear, thank you, I love you."
"I love you too mom!!"

I hang up the phone feeling silly, emotional, happy to have caused a smile, and loved!!! I exhale... as much as I hate Mother's Day,I realize what a completely special day it is. To honor the one person who, if your lucky, has bandaged your cuts, and thought about you when you didn't think of yourself. Who always knew and fostered your potential, and allowed you to grow into an independant and happy adult. This is the person who has loved, more than anything, the role she has had in your life as your mother. How then can you blame her, or anyone else for that matter, for wanting to extend that same joy and pleasure to their most treasured child..

So with a new attitude I say to all "Happy Mother's Day!". It's all about you... However when it comes to me, just leave me the hell alone!! LOL...

Wednesday just say no to abuse cambaign!!

ok... I feel like today is a reality check Wednesdays for the ladies of the world (or maybe just for my three readers..lol).. Seriously, a student kills his ex-girlfriend by repeatedly shaking and banging her head against a wall!!! Wow... My skin crawls to think about it. The nerve of a kid, waiving his miranda rights to describe in detail what took place. To me, that's sick and twisted!! It reminds me of a murder investigation show that didn't last long (it was hella cool so it should've). In the show crime scene thrill seakers teamed up and reinvestigated a real case, fake crime scene and all. In this particular case the murderer entered his neighbor's house, raped and tourched the place, only to reassert himself in the investigation and claim to be the hero. He was caught when he let a very important detail slip".. I couldn't sleep all night when I saw that , talk about narcissistic!!.. Back to my point.. How in the hell do people not know that their man is in-FREAKIN-sane!! Jay and I discussed this very subject this morning.

Me: "Babe I would know!! I'm telling you, I would!"
Him: "No dear, they say that a person can fool you for up to 6 months"

Really, I think to myself sadly...

I think in another life I was a prosecutor for this very issue. I remember once in high school in my Criminology mock trial being the defendant of a woman who killed her husband in self defense. Our stance was that she had battered woman's syndrome. I stayed up nights, researching and studying the case, trying to give my client the best defense possible. It seemed like breathing wasn't important at that time, life was this case! In class, I would get up and object so much the prosecutor could not speak and the class would cheer!! Remembering this I wish I could account this all to me being extremely smart. And while I am that (:-)), I know that my passion in that moment was the same passion that prevents me from lending a hand in organizations that protect women against abuse: I'm afraid I'll Lorena Bobbit on some ass!!


Me: "Nope, nope, no babe! The guy wouldn't last a second date! I would know. I just don't see how someone could not know. It's in the way he talks, it's in the stories he tells. It's all about control. I would see someone trying to be controlling"..
Him: "You're right it's all about control. Ok Spank, maybe you could tell. Most people aren't that perceptive. They just don't see the clues"

I can not bear that women are out there being abused. Mentally or physically. Emotionally it tears me up inside to think someone has so little self-worth that they don't just make a move. A move away from the situation, but more importantly a move to talk to someone. Let me tell you my three friends, NO man will EVER be worth that suffering. As a beautiful woman - and beautiful you are - you have in you the ability to move mountains!! Take a step, however small, but please STEP!


P.S. And as a public service announcement I've gathered the biggest signs that you're in an abusive relationship:

-is jealous or possessive towards you.
-tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
-tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.
-is violent and/or loses his or her temper quickly.
-presses you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.
-abuses drugs or alcohol.
-claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state.
-blames YOU when he or she mistreats you.
-has a history of bad relationships.
-your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.
-you frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
-makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.
-your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship and/or was abused as a child. -you leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.