I sat in my afternoon yoga class and the assignment was to journal. She asked us to think about what the name of our book would be called (little did she know this has been on my mind for months), then to think about the name of the current chapter in our book. Would there be a subtitle??
The first thing that came to mind was judgements. I had one of my proudest moments recently when my little sister said to me that I was fun to hang out with and to confide in. "She has not a judgemental or mean bone in her body!" she facebooked.
I try to live my life that way. It's easier for me to be happy and to function if I let everyone's decisions be confined to their own reasonings. I've found that life is too challenging and complex to spend time inserting my own beliefs or understandings on why other people do what they do.
Seriously. I think my sanity comes from looking at other people's life and living by my mom's favorite phrase of "whatever floats your boat".
Think about it through this example, you know your friend is being cheated on. You quickly make a judgement about her because she takes the man back. What is the likely outcome to that judgement: A. She responds and drops his ass. B. She gets defensive and drops your ass. C. She stays with the guy and your relationship becomes strained because of your words. My experience has been that 9 times out of ten the answer will be either B or C. And the reality is there may be a lot of variables you don't know about. I.e. they could have an open relationship, she cheated on him last week, one of them doesn't enjoy sex so the other one can cheat.. The list goes on and on.
Growing up I was never the social one so I didn't often have the problem of getting into everyone's business. I stood on the sidelines. I read and I learned. I let other people's lives teach me what to do and what not to do. It's not hard to see why I ended up studying human communication. Humans and their behaviors fascinate me.
I'll pick on my sister here. I've always been puzzled with why she can go to a spot and always pick out the one or two people that are looking at her cross. Never in my life have I noticed the same!! If we pick apart the possible reasons for this "cold" look we come up with the following: Jealousy, Drunken stupor, Admiration, etc. Why make an assumption when it's just going to stir you up and cause a possible negative reaction. The truth is that some people were not shown proper public ettiquette. Who are they to have some power over your life? Know those facts and move on. Don't spend another moment caring or even thinking about them.
Here's the tough example: relationships. Many of you know my stance on this. I will never say that it is easy to end a relationship. I have been through some that have left me speechless and feeling like there's a huge hole in my heart. I can get mad, I can call the man every name in the book (and sometimes yes he deserves it), I can go out looking like a damn fool, but for what.
My reality has always been this. If you know yourself and you know that you've behaved with dignity and class, why should anything else matter. There are always going to be a multitude of reasons for why people break up. A. Maybe one partner wasn't mature enough B. One had too much residual relationship damage. C. Timing was just bad.. With all those variables in the air, what can you possibly do but to move on with your head held high. Turning it over and over again in your head wont make you feel better when most likely it can be summed up in A, B, or C. The underlying truth is the person didn't see your great worth and it's their loss.
I remember once learning in a psychology class that people can not be changed by any hand other than their own. Think about it that way. You're two pieces of a larger puzzle, and you just don't fit. You can't cheat the puzzle and make it conform. You have to move on knowing the right piece will be out there and you'll soon find it.
Making judgements about another's life is difficult. Think about it when you know how it feels to have others judge you. I'm proud to have friends I love and respect. Sometimes their decisions puzzle me. Sometimes I may take them, chew them on for size, and think about how I'd respond in that situation. If the friend asks, I share that advice but if not, I allow myself to be a place to bounce ideas off of. You can't force someone to do as you do. You have to let them learn and do their own growing. They've had a different life and their reality might be a lot different than yours. The only thing you can do is be there and be supportive...
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