So we all know right now there are two main themes in my life -- being single, and finishing graduate school. As this is my reality, I will apologize now for the one dimensional side of my recent blogs.. I was going to bite my tongue on this one but recent reflections have caused me to place the microscope, once again, on the differences between men and women when they're dating.. Some of you may find this information to be faulty and that's fine, I love an open dialogue and I never claim to have written the textbook on the opposite sex and dating.. but.. this is some good food for thought.
I have maybe in my life had a handful of relationships that I would consider substantial. The first guy didn't show up until I was nearly 22. He was a jokester and I was pulled in by his charisma.. In retrospect, I tried to convince myself of its foundation, but it was more like a house built on quick stand; unrealistic, a fantasy, a fleeting moment..
The next man courted me "hard core", he pursued, he was down to get his woman!! I tried to convince myself that I was as infatuated, but honest truth is, he annoyed the hell out of me. Nothing he did, just his whole being. While I thought he was a great guy, our aura's (if you believe in such a thing) fought daily!!
A large gap existed between him and the next. A guy who was absolutely gorgeous, a friend, someone who was always trying to please me. That ended because he didn't know himself and was trying to live in the moment. At times I didn't know what that moment was, I didn't know who or what he wanted. To this day, I believe he didn't either.
Lastly came a man that was perfect on paper. Everything I thought I wanted. Behind the scenes, not so much. You know what they say, sometimes love blinds us.. All I can say about him is that he was a lesson I needed to learn. Without him, I probably would continue to live in a fantasy of what a relationship is, not facing the actual work and responsibility that it takes.
When I contemplate all these men, and my relationships with them I notice one thing is true. Not a single one was at a place to really commit to a relationship. Their actions showed or they claimed they weren't ready, they needed to get the bigger house, or buy the car that had them looking like they had it all together. They were waiting for everything to be "perfect", there was the claim of "timing".
It's funny because I think of these experiences and those of my girlfriends, and the resulting perspective is the same. A man, by his very nature, is socialized and trained to provide. To be the protectors, the gatekeepers, the foundation. I won't claim not to admire and respect that. Fact is, that trait is sexy as hell. Biblical or not, I want a man who can make me feel safe, not only physically but financially and emotionally. I think that is an extremely admirable position to want to be in.
When I think about these men though, I think about women and our perspective on the issue. I have had many a conversation with my three (maybe four) exes. When I see my parents, or my siblings and their relationships, I see them taking that life journey together. The ups and the downs, validating, supporting, witnessing. I don't see that there ever really is a "perfect". Life is a journey, and you struggle one year, and you're on top the next. Waiting for that "perfect" has you being stuck in a position where life has passed you by...
Recently I told a friend that this experience makes me feel like men build themselves up to be in the right position and when that next "worthy" lady comes, its all game! They're ready to say "we're ready for something substantial, something concrete, maybe even for the whole white picket fence".. Before that, forget it... Women on the other hand, we look for that elusive soul mate, that person who will be all the stuff the romance books are made of. lol.. The person we can be physically attracted to, that gets us on a 1000 levels... They just want to battle the storm with that man by their side.. We fight the battle of the right man and think little about timing..
As I have said, this is my theory, and it may be wrong.. I am wondering.. what do you guys think?
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