What's your government name???

So I am trying this thing called dating.. After five long years spent mostly in a relationship, I am out on the market again.

So everyone who knows the emotions that come with a break-up knows that when you jump back in its like dipping your foot in a pool. You do it inch by inch. Eyes wide open, being reflexive of the man. Trying to be open, but at the same time being cautious. Its unfortunate but the reality is that a LOT of people aren't who they say they are. And I tell you what, I have had endless hours of amusement so far. So I thought I would do a funny list of things to watch out for in the dating game.. Without further ado:

You might be a fool if.. you date a guy who only texts you during the day -- during business hours and mysteriously disappears in the evenings and on weekends.

You might want to watch your step if... you date a guy only on preselected dates and any sense of adventure causes the guy to break out in hives.

You might want to do a double take if... you get a call for a date about an hour before the date and the brotha says "let's just kick it at home". (one of two things are happening here, either he waited for the main chick to leave.. or ummm yeah.. that brotha waited to see if anything better came along. Either way, he doesn't want to get caught out with you).

Tread lightly if... you haven't been to his house within the first month of dating...Ummm.. yeah, no other words needed.

It is probably a bad sign if...he never receives calls when you are with him or he takes the call in the privacy of another room. Phone calls with your kids, mom, siblings, friends or work can't be that "top secret"..

Flashing red lights if...the man can NEVER be found when you call... but five minutes later your phone rings (ugh see previous item on the list).

You might have found a loser if... you get a request for a sexy picture before you've even talked on the phone..

Stop and turn around if.. the man can't stop talking about his momma or you head on a first date and she's sitting there with him waiting for your arrival.

Its highly suspect if.. the brotha is sooo into you but you've yet to disclose your last name (p.s. booty calls aren't very deep relationships)

You might want to head for the hills if... his "best" friend has a tattoo on his arm of popeye as a baby with a caption that reads "fuck the world"

Be careful if... he is so much of a work-a-holic that he travels over 70% of the time (this means he's packing a bag to spend the weekend in Laveen with his main bitch)

Wait for it.. the brotha goes hiking with you and leaves you alone on the mountain..

It is probably a bad sign if.. you head out on a date and he claims to have forgotten his wallet

Drumline please... he sweats when you use his government name (on blogs, facebook, etc)

Ladies... you're welcome!! Now again, both eyes wide open... LMAO.. happy hunting!!