It wasn't me, it was the world

When life events happen, human nature orients us towards one of two directions. We either assign the cause to our personal efforts, or we claim that a bigger "outside" force is at hand. Generally we assign the good things with our efforts, our locus of control is internal. When bad happens, our locus is external.

Leaders are born, not made
Leaders are made, not born

People often succeed because they are at the right place at the right time
Success is mostly dependent on hard work and ability

Good children are mainly the products of good parents.
Some children turn out bad no matter how their parents behave.

Good marriages result when both partners continuously work on the relationship
Some marriages are going to fail because the partners are just incompatible

When I came across this self-assessment recently I thought about relationships I have had, intimate and otherwise. I remember once talking to a friend and stating how when a person is asked why a relationship fails, it will display their level of maturity. A relationship, as I have stated numerous times, is a sum of its parts. Generally a failure is due to both halves of the whole. I think it is the sign of maturity when a person can step outside themselves and claim that. However as this assessment shows, human nature works in the opposite way. If something went wrong "it wasn't me, it was the world"...

I didn't meet that deadline because I was bombarded by crazy students demanding random things
I was late for work because I got stopped at each traffic light on the way in
I failed at that test because the material was unrelated to what we studied in class
My relationship ended because she was crazy and never listened

It is too difficult, too embarrassing, too much of a shock to our perception of ourselves, our core definition of ourselves, to see the situation in any other way.

I probably could have set daily or weekly goals to meet that deadline
I should've allowed time for traffic delays
I probably should've prepared by looking at all the material, lectures and readings
I could have been clear about my needs and wants being different than hers

I think that to learn and grow we must critically examine ourselves; our experiences, our personal values, our life visions, our actions and our locus of control. We must stop and look at our contradictions and determine whether we believe that our future success, in work and life, depends mainly on circumstances we can not control, "it wasn't me, it was the world"... Or if instead, we are the masters of our own fates...