I've been thinking about people and the interactions we make daily with others. I don't know if its my interactions of late or the world in general, however it seems like nowadays honesty and the acknowledgement of a person's integrity is something that's been losing its strength. When I say that I mean to elude that people seem to want to be shown what they want and not simple truth. They want the illusion of perfection and do not require the merit to back it up. They are unwilling to take your character as evidence of that truth, instead they hold their truth to be of bigger importance..
Let me get more specific. I have a great friend who is a very outspoken and straight forward person. If you present a situation to him he will give you examples of how that situation may plays out. This friend's nature is to help you see the big picture so that you can be prepared for both a best or worst case scenario. We've had discussions on this before and I think my friend knows me well. I have a tendency to give the situation or person the benefit of the doubt, to believe it will work itself out, to have trust in human nature or timing. I do not examine the worst case scenario but with him he zeros in on it. We discussed how he's often perceived as being pessimistic and he informed me that most people don't think about the worst, their minds are not systematic in thinking...
This is really interesting to me. I often find myself discussing problems with friends and in my experience friends always want to tell you the hard truth. THEIR TRUTH, through their eyes and their experiences. Truths that to them are absolute.
"He must be lying to you because I went through the EXACT same thing and that's what I found out". "Girl those actions are just proof that (blah, blah, and blah.. fill in the blank) is going on". Maybe there is some truth to all their experiences, maybe not. Part of life is weeding out your experiences to learn what you find to be true for you.
I'm given a hard time for being open-minded to certain people and situations. Is it being naive? Maybe in some situations but maybe on the other hand it's allowing someone to be truly honest with me, to trust their character and integrity. If they're in my life at this stage in the game its because they've already showed me something substantial that allows me to trust them. I have no problem weeding out the bad seeds.
It drives me nuts when I tell someone that I don't lie and they don't believe me. Why is it hard to believe that I believe in being honest with myself and the people that matter most. Maybe its easier to express to people that I believe in integrity. It's important to me that I stand by my beliefs and that I am a person who is respected for her actions and character. I'm human, sure I make mistakes but I believe being honest about them makes me a better person...
Today I had an interview and in it I struggled with some things. I was asked to build a model of a top notch service center. How do you create programs, activities, events that will take us the next level? Show us how you'd do this or that? My mind just kept thinking about all the day to day demands of the position. That in itself was an ENORMOUS challenge. The underlying question becomes how do I keep up with that while at the same time wowing the administration with cutting edge ideas and programs. I began to see why the last person in the position was not able to succeed. He was overwhelmed with building the image that was desired and lost track of the details that create a reputation of success. You don't create a position to coordinate and assume the rest will work itself out. You work together with that person, collaborate together fully and make it a campus-wide effort. But how do you break the news to administration. A. You don't want to be perceived as lazy B. You don't want to be perceived as not being up to the challenge but C. you want to be honest and have integrity in providing the best and worst case scenario. Are they ready for that truth or are they looking for that show?
In a nutshell my question is this: Are we as a society cognizant of what honesty truly represents? Of the effort it takes to be honest? Of the costs involved to live by and truly express integrity? Or are we just looking forward to the show? Do we just wait for someone to SHOW us something that aligns with our truth:
Yes it is doable to work at two separate campuses, create events and presentations at each. Service 400 students, be available 24/7 to answer questions. Take classes to become an expert in post traumatic stress disorder, advise students, counsel and tutor them, etc, etc, etc. And did I mention I will be doing this all alone just because you made me a manager. I'm superhuman and I don't need any support.
Yes he bought you flowers, but no it can't be because he just WANTS to, because he wants to see you smile. It means that he's slept around on you, he's covering for some mistake, he's about to dump you and wants to let you down easy, etc, etc, etc.
So yes.. I value my friends opinion when he tells me I need to look big picture. Don't be naive, don't overlook the worst case BUT on the other hand I want to believed when I show you who I am, I don't want to be thought of as someone playing a game, someone who is just putting their best foot forward.. I want to be able to be honest and have you give me some credit in return...
Your credit is accepted.
ReplyDeleteSGK