one day..

Ok so I just watched a love story entitled one day. I don't know what it was about it but from the beginning it had me in its clutches. I think it was the perfect movie for me to see today on the first day of the year. The day of new beginnings, the day where the old washes away and the new springs forth. There's something refreshing about the seasons, something refreshing about friendships. Seasons of change and growth and becoming what we're meant to be.

All that I'll say about this movie is that it made me think of people who've come and gone. I've never believed it's a bad thing to let go of friendships. Sometimes I think that when two people don't see eye to eye, its ok. You've had good times, supported each other and the season has come and gone. Growth sometimes requires separation. Then there's people in your life you know with all your being were meant to be around a lifetime. Their roles change, become more distant or more potent, but their very presence fills your lungs with air. I'm so very very blessed to never have felt like I am short of breath! Thank you all for that gift.

I will never regret life because I know life has made me who I am. Someone I'm proud to be and someone who values the people in her life. The ones that see me, value me, and help make me. Happy New Years to all. I love you all!!

Building blocks..

In the last few days I keep picturing myself and all that I am as building blocks. I see myself standing on my tip toes on top of a few blocks, placing a new block on top of this large figure. This large figure/building represents my beliefs, values, experiences, relationships: The first time I walked into a high school lunch room, the first time I realized I was in love, my first job, my intra and interpersonal conflicts, the growth of the relationships I have in my life with family and friends, my college graduation, the first time I had to really work at a relationship, finding out I like to write, having a passion against domestic violence or the destruction of our natural environment, building a value of honesty and integrity, figuring out I like to learn, my first betrayal, understanding love, passion, hope.

I've learned that life is this series of things that build us up, that in essence create us, and hopefully allow us to be representative of an individual we can be proud of. This week seems to be a challenge to some of my building blocks. Those bottom, deeply engrained blocks are being shoved, realigned, challenged. These shifts are asking me to look deeper within myself, deeper within my life. I realize that these blocks will always be manipulated; by ourselves, outside experiences, new interactions with other people. Things happen that can alter the very center of the person you once recognized yourself to be.

The reality is that when you are strong in yourself, when you really know yourself and your strengths, you're able to rebuild and adjust to lifes challenges. You're able to stand strong in yourself and be proud of the choices you make and how you begin to build an even better you!

I’m a leaky faucet

“You said she’s your heart” the minister says obviously touched, and I blink quickly as my gaze glosses over.

“She’s my niece” a close family friend says to one of my coworkers.

A guy sees a rainbow after a difficult break-up and is instantly calmed by this sign. One his mother, on her dying bed, proclaimed to be a symbol of her future presence.

I’m watching the show “What will you do?” and they set up a situation in which the store owner discriminates against a Muslim, refusing the young woman service. A man politely addresses the owner, bravely attempting to teach the man and show his disappointment. He goes on to give a touching story of patience and respect and again my eyes burn.

When you’re emotional, people don’t know how to react. “Snap out of it”, they might bark! A laugh and sarcastic reply is also common. I’ve tried to figure out why drops fall when I watch Lifetime tv or hairs stand up in the back of my neck when I see some sort of injustice.

I read today that Jada Pincket Smith said that your life should be lived like a work of art. Translation of this, for me, means that you have to live a life that represents you. A life that if you had kids you would be proud of (don’t ask me why but for some this marks a decision as to act, like they can’t be moved to ethical behavior without setting an example for a miniature version of themselves). In my life it includes caring for and being there for those who have been constant friends. It means appreciating those same friends, appreciating the simple things AND the big miracles of life. It means standing up for injustice and validating my biggest values by my actions. Most importantly it is being able to stare at myself in the mirror each morning and night. This to me, is a beautiful thing. And beauty, I’ve come to learn, brings emotion!