The choice to understand..

This last few months I've been thinking and writing a lot about perspectives. I know someone who's made major life changes. Her day to day activities have changed. So drastically has it changed that people close to her have been concerned. Let me preface all this by saying this friend is not on drugs, she has not joined a cult and has not done a 180 to become the opposite end of her former self. I find it interesting being a spectator of this. I understand her desire to live differently and I understand the concern of the friends and family. I understand both perspectives and yet I wonder sometimes why others can't seem to do the same.

They say it's difficult to stand in someone's shoes, and that you never can fully understand someone's world. The Christian sees the world differently than the Agnostic. The Male differently than the Women. The Child different than the Parent. The Able-bodied differently than the Disabled. The Heterosexual different the Homosexual. When I was in college I facilitated discussions between differing social groups. My particular dialogue group consisted of Hispanics and Caucasians. My co-facilitator and I would meet weekly to come up with creative ideas on how to spark conversation. The goal: to get people of both social groups to understand something about the other. I remember one particular exercise in which we had each person go around the room and read a statement out loud. Statements like "I've never gone to a beauty store and wondered if the person behind the counter knew how to handle my type of hair" or "I've never gone to the store and wondered why there were no band-aids that matched the color of my flesh". The idea behind this was to make each person think about the thoughts of a person of a different ethnicity. In essence to allow them to stand in another's shoes.

Awhile back I wrote about relationships and how the single bemoan singleness and the coupled bemoan the opposite. This perspective is one I've thought about frequently and today again I was thrown back into thinking about these differing perspectives. As a single women my day starts like this. I wake up, get ready for work, take care of my dog and come home. I clean my house, maybe watch tv, maybe do some reading and then go back to sleep. My day sounds similar to many, single or otherwise. But the difference is that as a couple, you're sharing. You're sharing your hopes, you're sharing your dreams, you're sharing your responsibilities, you have a daily outlet to your emotions, you have a daily shoulder for your struggles, and most importantly you have a daily witness to your life. You rely on your partner and your partner becomes a half of your brain. Decisions are tackled together and are for the good of the whole.

As a single person it's just you. You have friends maybe but you have no one listening to your days highs and lows. You don't always have the input of another. Your company is you and you have to love and fit well within your own skin. Your decisions are your owns, your triumphs your own, your mistakes your own.

Now in no way am I saying it's horrible to be single. I'm also not saying that it's better or easier to be in a relationship. I'm just saying it's different. It's another perspective. It's another way to look at life and another way to step into someone's shoes...

I feel like I'm rambling but I guess my point is this.. Life throws us many curve balls. We are constantly dealing with relationships and these relationships are not easy to maneuver. They deal with one person who's had many experiences, a person who belong to a variety of social groups. Those social group dictate that person's core, that person's belief system. Our social groups do the same. It is so much easier to say to the world "see the world like I do" but the fact is, no two people are alike and we can't all see things the same. Our differences are what make us beautifully unique.

What's left then is a decision we must make for ourselves. Do I choose to want to understand? Do I choose to have this person in my life as a close friend, as my family, as my lover? And if I so choose, do I realize that this means I must shift through their experiences, their beliefs and understand them as they are? Am I willing to reevaluate my beliefs, my wants to have that person in my life?

The answer is neither good or bad, it's ours and ours alone. The simple truth though is that to build any relationship, you must make the choice to understand.

Building blocks..

In the last few days I keep picturing myself and all that I am as building blocks. I see myself standing on my tip toes on top of a few blocks, placing a new block on top of this large figure. This large figure/building represents my beliefs, values, experiences, relationships: The first time I walked into a high school lunch room, the first time I realized I was in love, my first job, my intra and interpersonal conflicts, the growth of the relationships I have in my life with family and friends, my college graduation, the first time I had to really work at a relationship, finding out I like to write, having a passion against domestic violence or the destruction of our natural environment, building a value of honesty and integrity, figuring out I like to learn, my first betrayal, understanding love, passion, hope.

I've learned that life is this series of things that build us up, that in essence create us, and hopefully allow us to be representative of an individual we can be proud of. This week seems to be a challenge to some of my building blocks. Those bottom, deeply engrained blocks are being shoved, realigned, challenged. These shifts are asking me to look deeper within myself, deeper within my life. I realize that these blocks will always be manipulated; by ourselves, outside experiences, new interactions with other people. Things happen that can alter the very center of the person you once recognized yourself to be.

The reality is that when you are strong in yourself, when you really know yourself and your strengths, you're able to rebuild and adjust to lifes challenges. You're able to stand strong in yourself and be proud of the choices you make and how you begin to build an even better you!