Christmas bacon on a solar oven

Solar oven, bacon, Christmas. Which one of the three does not go together? Let me give you a hint. Yuletide Carols aren't sung anywhere near a box cooking bacon. Yep that's right, I have a lab assignment to make a solar oven and cook three different things (Merry Christmas!!). For those of you who don't know, a solar oven is... well just what it sounds like. There are many ways to make a solar oven; pizza box, cardboard box, shoe box, or if you're me a big boot box so that the frying pan can fit nicely in there... Exhale... Needless to say that the solar oven did not cook my bacon. I started by testing the temperature in the box. First ten minutes 29 degrees Celcius, 20 minutes 32 degrees, and 35 47 degrees. You'd think the box is definitely working but an hour and 15 minutes later, the bacon was just slightly crisp on the outermost layer. As the student I am I proceeded to Google cooking food at 47 degrees Celsius to find that this food was part of the raw food diet. Exhausted and chasing the sun around my little apartment, I finally gave up on the bacon (let alone cook an egg or boil some water). I started to feel bad leaving my box with bacon on the front yard while people walked around with small dogs or cats wandered nearby. I had to consult with a top engineer who proceeds to tell me that if I don't like my solar oven I need to consult with its manufacturer... Something about the saran wrap not being tight enough, my box being too big, the cardboard not thick enough, blah, blah, blah....Bygones... Unfortunately this too is how my lab assignment sounded. A whole lot of incoherent mumbling that I madly scribbled on my desire to just be done and to finally be able to do something Christmas worthy!!! So moral of the day... make sure you don't have a solar oven due on Christmas cuz I'll be damned if I say to not procrastinate like me.. It's freakin Christmas week man!! (Oh and it might also be nice to sweet talk any engineer you have around ;))

Highs and Lows

I remember watching a movie one night in which the family made a routine of eating dinner together. The family was less than perfect, actually the movie depicted the struggle of two married people who were trying to understand why they were still together. In this daily ritual, each family member; son, daughter, mom and dad would say their highs and lows; the best part of their day, followed by the worst. I remember watching that and thinking that's something that's rather simple but so overlooked and important! I'm not an intrusive person by nature, the last relationship I was in was one where I was learning new things weekly. I never sat down with a list of 20 questions. I knew I enjoyed the man's company, that I respected who he was and how he became who he was but I never felt the need to repeat the Spanish Inquisition. Somehow however, the simple ritual in this movie struck me as wonderful. How do you get to know just enough about your children in their adolescence (in those years that they want to be as far away from family time as possible) without feeling as if you're prying? How do you inquire into your husbands day without seeming as if you need to know everything or you don't trust him?

There's a lot that can said in knowing someone's highs and lows. I have come to realize that often times when getting to know men, it's what they don't say and what they do that really expresses their truth. As such, knowing that the best part of my day today was helping a student figure out a problem, shows that I find achievement in establishing order in something that's chaotic. Knowing that the worst part of my day was sitting at my desk for three hours non-stop reviewing graduation applications means that I get bored with repetitive tasks and I thrive on a moderate amount of change. Knowing all my highs and lows help someone really know me. And my desire to know yours, means I value you and have a desire to really know you as well.

Thanks giving...

Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday!! Not only do you get to share yummy food with people you love but you get to be "thankful" (which can be such a novel thought considering how materialistic our society is). Honestly there's just something about the act of celebrating the smallest of our blessings that, for me, makes this holiday outshine Christmas. No kids getting upset about what they did and did not get. No guilt or pressure when it comes to gift buying. Just fellowship and hopefully, if you're lucky, no drama. :) A couple of years back I started my thanksgiving ritual of texting my friends and telling them what I was thankful for. I.e. Buffy I'm thankful for your caring spirit, Nikki you're giving spirit, and Karem your ability to always see the best in me! I'm looking forward again to acknowledging my many blessings. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Take some time to appreciate your many blessings..

the down low

I don't know what it is but it seems the last few weeks the subject of the down low keeps popping up around me. For those of you who are unaware the down low is used to describe men that have wives but live these secret lives with men. These men, in essence, pretend to be living the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, minivan life but on the sidelines are having unprotected sex with other men.

First Oprah, then Oprah again, then Private Practice. I'm sorry ya'll but that mess scares me!!! As much as I am a proponent for honesty and integrity, I am also not a fool to imagine that every man having a relationship is up front about everything. If I believed in the fairy tale ending I wouldn't be living in the 21st century. The fact is there's a reason why half of marriages are now ending in divorce. My guess, a lack of openness. I would go on to say that this lack of openness includes a lot of dishonesty by omission (yes ya'll there is such a thing)!

So what does this mean for us women? For women in a day and age where most of the time we have to date men that have one foot in and the other out the door and are daily teetering on either side of that line? You know that world: where you don't get a "confirmation" on a Saturday night date til Saturday morning (because you know he's waiting to see if anything "better" comes along-- as if!!).

To me this puts us in a place where we have to be the hard ones. The woman that gets labeled a control freak, rigid, unspontaneous and boring because we're strapping up past our 40th wedding anniversary. I am one to trust a man but with the import of the down low into modern society, should my desire to trust cost the health of my life?

I just don't understand. Why don't people want to live a life of honesty? Isn't that much easier. In this last few months I've had to hear some things that weren't easy to hear and that stung a little but in hindsight I wouldn't take it back for anything. I believe that some men in relationships make that assumption that a women is too weak, too full of drama, or too emotional to hear the truth. This is the biggest misconception of women that there is. First because we're adults now, we have to learn to face the fact that sometimes things are hard to hear but need to be heard. Second, telling someone the truth shows you respect them and respect is the one thing people want most; it's the ultimate gift. Third, because if you fail to tell a woman the truth the end result is just going to be the drama you were trying to prevent in the first place. In other words, save yourself some money on some slashed tires and speak up...

The life of a down low man is ugly. It's full of secrets and lies and it's dangerous to the woman who wants to trust and stand by her man. The whole culture makes ALL women cautious and suspitious. If I piece it apart the bottom line (from my perception) is that this world is still biased and closed. When we can all live in a society where we can be accepted for our differences, we will have less opportunity for deception and more for us (men in this case) to be ourselves without fear of discrimination.

Commitment, Wants, & Needs

I’ve grown up with remarkable parents, their relationship has always inspired me. When my dad wanted to pursue his artistic abilities, my mom stood by his side. Supportive, although many might’ve said a degree in theater when you have three small children is a bit of a risk. When he had a sudden career loss, she stepped up and took some of the weight on herself. If they’ve taught me anything through example it’s that when you love someone, you’re there. Through good and bad, highs and low, love outlasts and outweighs all.

It’s weird to say but this all encompassing commitment to another paralyzed me growing up. I think subconsciously I wondered how I could give so much of myself without really knowing myself. I think I always knew that once I was in it, I’d be in it. Once I was in a relationship I would commit myself, mind, body, and soul. I’d commit my will and all my might. So like the student I am, I made a journey to find myself: What was it that mattered most to me, what made me "me"?

A friend of mine recently brought up a list that women make. The list that describes all the things you want in a partner. My journey created my list. She went on to say that once you find all that you become truly present. I realize now that I never thought that list was truly possible to find. Surprisingly one day when I wasn’t looking, he smiled down on me. It’s a wonderful feeling. Being present with someone, feeling you get them and that they might get you back. When I looked at him, my soul smiled; still does. It’s at peace and it’s happy.

And as I always knew I’d do, I committed. My heart, my soul, my everything. I gave so much of myself I forgot to ask myself one rather large question… “This is what I want, but what is it that I need”. I just gave, and I was present, available and happy but not thinking of me. I tried to figure out how I could be committed to someone and want to be with them but not feel like my needs were being met. Was I failing at standing by my man?? I finally realized I hadn't been willing to make myself as healthy as I realize I was trying to make sure he was.

I’ve come to realize that knowing yourself is a process that is never ending. It’s a constant work of progress. You feel like you’ve conquered the first level and the second appears. You take care of that and then you reach the next. With me it was: who are you, what matters to you, what is it you want, and finally, is what you want aligned with what you truly need.

The thing about LOVE is that when it’s real, it makes sure that wants and needs align. That smile looks at you and says "here's the thing, you and me, we want each other no question, but our needs are different". The Bible calls love patient, kind, not self seeking.. I've learned that love is agreeing to do the healthy thing and let each other seek out those needs.. Love is allowing each other to fly free and find healing and happiness... As they say if it's meant to be, it'll be.. If it's not, as India.Arie The Truth says "I'm glad I knew him at all..."

The list

I found this list I wrote a few days ago. Reading it made my insides flutter but midway through peacefully settle. Pure beauty...

1. your smile
2. your carefree spirit
3. your strong sense of self
4. your love and commitment to your son
5. your drive and motivation
6. your ability to listen
7. how you care
8. how you take care of me
9. how you make me look at myself
10. how you believe in me
11. how you treat me with respect
12. your love of children
13. your strong value of family
14. your sex appeal
15. your gentlemanly virtues
16. your ability to apologize
17. your commitment to your health
18. the way you show affection
19. your soft kisses
20. your intellect
21. your sense of humor

The Jone$es

So I rented this movie thinking.. oh Demi Moore, she hasn't been in anything in a hot minute.. Was it great? Let's just say it got a B/C rating. But it is definitely an interesting concept. The movie is about a family, or rather four salespeople pretending to be a family. Their reason: to sell the hottest and latest protects to their unsuspecting neighbors or schoolmates. My first thought, really weird..

But then I started thinking, how many people have I met that are all about what they have. Their lives revolve around buying the "newest" products. I personally have always felt that the need to "brag" is more or less a way to compensate for a lack of something. A lack of confidence, a lack of intelligence, a lack of much of a life really.

What I'm saying is that I'm tired of people (especially men I've dated) trying to live like the Joneses. They pretend to have this endless stream of cash and spend, spend, spend for a gadget that nobody will care about come 6 months. I just don't get it.

My perspective.. F**K it, give me the cheap brand, give me the extra cash to go fly out of the country somewhere. A beach, Europe, something that will have a residual effect of longer than a five minute fad!