It started with a bar of soap

It started with a bar of soap... I remember clear as day, browsing through Target. I was standing in the isle about to grab a bar of the soap that I had used for years. A brand that I unconsciously purchased for no other reason than because it was what I'd seen my mom purchase throughout the years. I was about to drop it in my cart when I saw an interesting wrapped bar of soap. The label stated that part of the proceeds went to the World Wildlife Fund and when I kept reading I saw that the product was 100% natural, with no chemicals added. I remember standing in that isle for a good 15 minutes trying to decide which item to purchase. Would I go with my tradition? What did my purchase say about me? I thought about the fact that I loved nature and animals and I realized why it would be beneficial to go with the new product. Why not support those values? I had honestly never contemplated these questions.

In 2008 I met a man that by all accounts became my closest male friend. While our relationship was at times contradictory, it served a function of challenging me by forcing me to address this very question. It forced me to examine my beliefs and to think about how those beliefs aligned with my actions. He really pushed me to think critically, to learn, grow and evolve in all areas of my life.

Shortly after that, in the year 2009, I began to take classes in Sustainability. My life's goal became to consciously think about what my choices and decisions said about who I am, what I believe in, and what I strive to represent. If I stop and review past blogs, I can see my progression throughout the years.

I desire to be a woman who stands behind her values of honesty, compassion, kindness, equality, loyalty, friendship, perseverance, integrity, sustainability and the environment. At times I succeed with great skill, at times I fall a little short of the mark. I, like all humans, am a work in progress but my value comes in my sincere contemplation.

Today was a first day of one of my master's classes and it has been made clear to me that my whole purpose in pursuing this degree is to help others face themselves as well. It is to allow people to examine their daily choices, through tactics such as strategic planning, effective communication, and having empathy and understanding of a person's value, needs and priorities. Yes I believe in the field of Sustainability. The integration of human needs, economic responsibility, and the protection of the earth. We can't help fight international poverty without addressing how our desire to accumulate material wealth in the U.S. affect other nations. We can't fight water shortages without responsible agriculture practices. We have to think of the correlations of these three sustainability pillars to many every day world challenges.

However my intent in my studies have never been to force my values on someone else, instead I want to help them evolve to pursue their values, passions, and strengths. In work I want my employees to strive towards their best and recognize their strengths. In life I want my friends and family to find balance, love, and joy through their own critical examination.

I have always loved a simple quote by Ghandi which says that we have to "be the change we want to be". For me, that journey started with a bar of soap, has been fostered by some good relationships, and continues to be a daily challenge that I am excited and eager to meet!! So I will ask, what does your "bar of soap" say about you?...

I'm not a build-a-bear

I'm not a build-a-bear... Meaning I'm not the kind of woman that can be cut up into small pieces to be glued together into your model of perfection.

My eyes are big, beautiful, and watchful
My hair as wild and as free as my spirit
My hips are strong, wide, but made to grab onto
I have arms that are made to hold and support
My lips to speak wisdom and kiss away sorrows
I have a heart that is pure, giving, promises unconditional love, and refuses to be bitter
My intellect is a library of discovery
My words sincere, truth, and kindness
I have hands made to caress and protect
Laughter, joy and gratitude pour out of me
I am a sexy bitch
I am tall, I am able, and I am worthy

Yet you seem to want to tear me down.

Piece me back together with bits and pieces of others you've known..

I am a proud, I am strong, I am an independent woman who knows her values and will always remain true to herself.
I am a strong bitch, WHOLE, and what I'm not, is your fucking build-a-bear!!

Nosey Biatch...

So if you know me, you know that people fascinate me. I am one of those girls who can be found spending a marathon day viewing the real housewives, love and hip hop, the braxtons or some other equally ridiculous reality show. It shocks me that some people would allow their lives to be so public, but I admit when you start watching you can't help but to sit on the edge of your seat to see what next bit of stupidity/insanity might unfold. This phenomenon can't be singled out to the arena of reality tv, Facebook itself is another form of obsessing into another's four walls. We sit idly by and watch what is going on...

Maybe we're just curious about other's lives and sincerely want to share in their successes and mourn their losses
Maybe we're using the information to gossip
Maybe we're the kind of person who finds their worth in "comparing" what we have with someone else

I remember for years feeling so blessed that I never had to deal with a man that had a Facebook account. Sitting on each other's pages, endlessly obsessing about what may or may not be going on.

"Who's this chick?"
"What she mean by that comment?"
"Why you looking at her that way?"
"Why this bitch the first to like all your posts, nosey biatch??"

Somehow though, in today's age, even excluding yourself from the world of Facebook may not prevent a person from getting caught up.. by another person's innate and innocent curiosity, by our desire to be in the "know", to sit on the edge of our seats!! It's drama, its suspense, it seems fake, but is it...

Love and Hip Hop this season has been mind blowing (or maybe the phrase is mind numbing) to me, to see a man live and share his life with the mother of his kids, someone he's lived with for over 10 years, but then have a side relationship with his artist, actually wed her and show his ass on national tv having this bitch pinned down on a piano.. smdh..

It hurts my heart to know others who have been in this same position, either as the 10 year chick or the newbie. No woman should have to deal with deception, and as I have learned throughout the years, deception can take on many faces..

There's that face that flat out lies
There's that face that leaves out the punch line or most crucial part of the story
Or my favorite, the face that tells you 99% truth so that you trust them and they can manipulate and play on that trust (sneaky little bastards)

The one thing you realize is that deception can leave you acting outside your character... Doing things you wouldn't normally believe in, making your business even more public to hurt the other parties involved, or as my neighbor displayed recently expressing your emotions "waiting to exhale" style by throwing piles of his unmentionables on the front lawn!!!

When I think about myself, and my innate curiosity, it makes me realize that sometimes, facing the drama, scanning the random Facebook page only causes me to cringe.. I have to stop and say to myself, I don't want to know these people's skeletons... so Tara, stop being a nosey biatch!!!

Wish I could feed myself with words...

His words are so poetic and moving that at times I feel transfixed and suspended... "Wish I could feed myself with words; hunger would never invade me.." he writes.. Man,.. that speaks to me. I have always believed that words have immense power. All emotions center and revolve around them. One phrase to one speaks beauty and light, while to another brings confusion and misery. War, love, bliss, terror all can stem from them. They often fall off lips without conscious thought, and rarely do they sing like Beethoven to a classically trained ear.. I know in life I have often spent countless hours perfecting my words. On paper I pour out my heart hoping to convey myself in a way that spoken word can only mar. I try in earnest to convey what's the ultimate enlightenment of words; understanding. It is this need for perfection that quiets my voice.


I haven't blogged in awhile. I have received a few requests but the words haven't wanted to come. I realized yesterday that it was not for lack of inspiration but rather fear. Fear that my words could not have meaning. Fear that for the last few months my life has been without lessons. Hope, inspiration, joy is what I hope to instill in my writings. I love to learn, through whatever medium. I always have. I enjoy relationships with people that inspire a deep exchange of knowledge in anything and everything. I take pleasure in opening up my thoughts, of turning something dark into light and of inspiring.. Of turning a cynic to a believer, a person without hope into a person without limits, of making others see the best..



Relationships to me are the biggest life lessons. In interacting with others you see your true self; fifty shades of strengths, fifty shades of imperfections. What I've learned this past three years is acceptance. I have learned that words may never lead to understanding. I've learned that no matter how hard you try you may never be able to stream together perfection. Instead you have to have pride in your desire to try, your desire to make confusing sane, something emotional joyful and something disorganized manageable.


My father is an inspiring artist. A man with a great heart for beauty and others. Through him I received my passion for words. Like him I may not be able to feed myself with words, but life has taught me that as long as I try, hunger and passion will never leave my side...


My goal this year although late in coming is to realize that and to once again, slowly but surely, use my words!!!!!!!

for real now.. FOR REAL.. getting paid to go to high school??

Ok so yesterday I heard the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!! A school in Cincinnati, Ohio is so desperate to boost attendance and graduation records that they're paying students to go to school. Yes, I said that.. PAYING students. Get this, seniors get $25 gift cards and underclassment $10, and money is continously added. This program is estimated to cost $40,000 and the money is raised by fundraising and charities (Don't really get me started on where that money can go. How about to Haiti or the people still struggling over Hurricane Katrina).

This is the kind of thing that makes me sad about society today. This is how surreal our reality is. Why is it that parents let their kids TELL THEM that they're not going to school anymore? I would never have even fathomed of doing that!! It's sad to me that kids are unmotivated. We're living in a time where the US Education system is losing its value, it's no longer leading the pack in areas such as math and science. Students feel entitled and do not work hard.

My friends and family laugh at me when I say I could not have children but honestly this is a major concern of mine. I just don't understand how society is so wrapped up in having the greatest and latest new fad but are failing to promote the value of a good education. Kids are playing video games where they're blowing apart cars or people but can't see the value of a book. They're consumed by the here and now and forget about their futures, FACEBOOK is their reality.

I just don't agree with the message paying a student sends? It lets them know that the most valuable thing in life is financial means. The bottom line is that you can have all the money in the world and be miserable. If you know how to foster a creative mind, you're constantly growing!!!

Let's take a poll, how many students have you met that do not have a high school diploma? Maybe their successful now, I'm not trying to say street smarts does not exist, but I bet you 9 times out of 10, that success came with A LOT of unnecessary struggle..

I sometimes wish that we still lived in a time where the fear of the parent forced people to act responsibily and not act a fool. Dropping out, smh.. Really paying students??? SMDH!!!

Tara Simo 101

The fun part of working in a college is that they are always striving to be innovative. They do workshops, skills assessments, group simulations, training. All in an effort to be more cohesive, unified and stronger. When I worked at Rio we did a campus wide initiative to assess our strengths. This program called "StrengthQuest" was a personal assessment that involved answering a bunch of questions. The goal was to determine what top five strengths each person possesses (out of a full listing of 34). The idea was that having this knowledge would help others highlight the strengths of their colleagues and work more efficiently together as a unit. I first took this assessment in October of 2009. I thought I'd share and give you a snapshot of who I am. Here are some short descriptions of my results in order of highest strength:


RELATOR
People who are especially talented in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.

MAXIMIZER
People who are especially talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.

EMPATHY
People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.

INPUT
People who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

RESPONSIBILITY
People who are especially talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

In a matter of 7 months I had moved on to another college and ironically enough was asked to fill out the same assessment. The following became my strengths in order:


RESPONSIBILITY

RELATOR

ADAPTABILITY
People who are especially talented in adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

DEVELOPER
People who are especially talented in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.

INPUT


So from the two assessments 3 strengths remained the same, 2 had dropped off and 2 more were added. The order of the original 3 had shifted.

It was puzzling to me that new strengths came forth and then I realized that as a person is placed in different situations, the environment causes an adaptation of strengths (I think of the above as my top 7 strengths). Everyone has a bit of all 34 strengths but there are some that are more potent than others and some that are "flexed" more often.

I stumbled upon the last assessment earlier this week when I was reading through some emails I had sent a friend. I couldn't quite understand my feelings and how I was handling a difficult situation and reading this list helped comfort me. It was enlightening to understand why so many of my blogs are about values such as honesty, integrity, trust, and communication. As my responsibility strength shows this is immensely important to me.

It also helped me to realize "wow.. I really am an empathetic person" (although my relator strength would argue that I am selectively empathetic to those I have deep personal relationships with). I want to understand a person and really not judge. I want them to develop. To see and become the potential that I see: they're ability to be great, happy and successful in work and life!

My responses to things at times seem unorthodox even to me but I realize these strengths all combine to make me who I am. Someone I will always respect, admire, and be proud of. I wouldn't want to be anyone else...

honesty or the show...

I've been thinking about people and the interactions we make daily with others. I don't know if its my interactions of late or the world in general, however it seems like nowadays honesty and the acknowledgement of a person's integrity is something that's been losing its strength. When I say that I mean to elude that people seem to want to be shown what they want and not simple truth. They want the illusion of perfection and do not require the merit to back it up. They are unwilling to take your character as evidence of that truth, instead they hold their truth to be of bigger importance..

Let me get more specific. I have a great friend who is a very outspoken and straight forward person. If you present a situation to him he will give you examples of how that situation may plays out. This friend's nature is to help you see the big picture so that you can be prepared for both a best or worst case scenario. We've had discussions on this before and I think my friend knows me well. I have a tendency to give the situation or person the benefit of the doubt, to believe it will work itself out, to have trust in human nature or timing. I do not examine the worst case scenario but with him he zeros in on it. We discussed how he's often perceived as being pessimistic and he informed me that most people don't think about the worst, their minds are not systematic in thinking...

This is really interesting to me. I often find myself discussing problems with friends and in my experience friends always want to tell you the hard truth. THEIR TRUTH, through their eyes and their experiences. Truths that to them are absolute.
"He must be lying to you because I went through the EXACT same thing and that's what I found out". "Girl those actions are just proof that (blah, blah, and blah.. fill in the blank) is going on". Maybe there is some truth to all their experiences, maybe not. Part of life is weeding out your experiences to learn what you find to be true for you.

I'm given a hard time for being open-minded to certain people and situations. Is it being naive? Maybe in some situations but maybe on the other hand it's allowing someone to be truly honest with me, to trust their character and integrity. If they're in my life at this stage in the game its because they've already showed me something substantial that allows me to trust them. I have no problem weeding out the bad seeds.

It drives me nuts when I tell someone that I don't lie and they don't believe me. Why is it hard to believe that I believe in being honest with myself and the people that matter most. Maybe its easier to express to people that I believe in integrity. It's important to me that I stand by my beliefs and that I am a person who is respected for her actions and character. I'm human, sure I make mistakes but I believe being honest about them makes me a better person...

Today I had an interview and in it I struggled with some things. I was asked to build a model of a top notch service center. How do you create programs, activities, events that will take us the next level? Show us how you'd do this or that? My mind just kept thinking about all the day to day demands of the position. That in itself was an ENORMOUS challenge. The underlying question becomes how do I keep up with that while at the same time wowing the administration with cutting edge ideas and programs. I began to see why the last person in the position was not able to succeed. He was overwhelmed with building the image that was desired and lost track of the details that create a reputation of success. You don't create a position to coordinate and assume the rest will work itself out. You work together with that person, collaborate together fully and make it a campus-wide effort. But how do you break the news to administration. A. You don't want to be perceived as lazy B. You don't want to be perceived as not being up to the challenge but C. you want to be honest and have integrity in providing the best and worst case scenario. Are they ready for that truth or are they looking for that show?

In a nutshell my question is this: Are we as a society cognizant of what honesty truly represents? Of the effort it takes to be honest? Of the costs involved to live by and truly express integrity? Or are we just looking forward to the show? Do we just wait for someone to SHOW us something that aligns with our truth:

Yes it is doable to work at two separate campuses, create events and presentations at each. Service 400 students, be available 24/7 to answer questions. Take classes to become an expert in post traumatic stress disorder, advise students, counsel and tutor them, etc, etc, etc. And did I mention I will be doing this all alone just because you made me a manager. I'm superhuman and I don't need any support.

Yes he bought you flowers, but no it can't be because he just WANTS to, because he wants to see you smile. It means that he's slept around on you, he's covering for some mistake, he's about to dump you and wants to let you down easy, etc, etc, etc.

So yes.. I value my friends opinion when he tells me I need to look big picture. Don't be naive, don't overlook the worst case BUT on the other hand I want to believed when I show you who I am, I don't want to be thought of as someone playing a game, someone who is just putting their best foot forward.. I want to be able to be honest and have you give me some credit in return...